Broken Glass

It has come to my attention that people in general will exagerate the truth to get what they want. I know this really shouldn't surprise me...but the situation I am about to write about is akin to telling your dentist you floss 3 times a day.  The dentist knows as soon as he looks in your mouth that you haven't flossed in three years!

A customer called yesterday to explain that he is very concerned with the glasses he and his wife received for their wedding a year ago. In the past two weeks he broke two glasses and he is very concerned for the safety of his family if these glasses are just going to break without warning. Please note that the glasses he has are not thin wine glasses. They are a heavy weight high ball glasses made by a company who produces some of the best products in the world. Short of dropping these glasses on tile or brick it is doubtful they will break without cause. So I asked him to describe what happened.

"Well, both times I took a glass out of the cupboard, put ice and then water into the glass. The glass just cracked at that point!" he explained.

Actually, he gave me a description that lasted about 15 minutes, giving me a blow by blow description of how he opened the cabinet door, put his hand on the glass, brought it down to the counter, went to the freezer and got out an ice tray, they don't have an ice maker so he had to remove the tray and then twist it to loosen the ice, he then took 5 ice cubes out, one at a time....well you get the idea. I was unable to get a word in edgewise.

Now there is an old adage that the customer is always right, and this is true....except when he is wrong. I explained that we have not had this problem with these glasses. I further explained that with these glasses it is highly unlikely that they would break like that unless the glass was hot when the ice was put into it, but I would be happy to exchange them once he brought back the broken ones. That's when he hit me with what he thought was a bombshell.

"I AM A LAWYER! And I have handled numerous tort cases and I am very concerned with safety issues. This is definately a safety issue that should be addressed before someone, perhaps a child, becomes seriously injured or maimed!" he ranted. "This is poor workmanship, I will file suit against your store and the manufacturer!"

This illicited an eye-roll from me. Now I don't have anything against lawyers. I have several friends that are lawyers, I myself trained as a paralegal. I like lawyers, I've used lawyers, hell I even worked for lawyers, but a lawyer that is a blowhard is just a jackass! And getting all huffy and self-righteous will get you nowhere!

"Sir, if you are that concerned with the safety of your family with these glasses, I suggest you pack them all up and return them to the store for a refund" I suggested.

"I live an hour away, and being a lawyer my time is very valuable! I bill out at $150 an hour. Are you going to pay for my time to drive there, park, walk up to your department, waste my time repeating this story to you, and then a manager, and then the store manager, (because I know I will not get any satisfaction from you or your manager) and then drive home?"

"Not a problem, sir. You can take them to your local post office or UPS store and ship them back. Once received we will issue you a credit for the glasses, and as a courtsey I will also refund you the cost of the shipping."

"NO! I just want you to send me two new glasses! I don't want to ship, or bring, the broken ones back into the store. I am a lawyer and I will pursue this further! Where is the store manager?"

"Sir, please calm down, I am sending you the glasses. But any further breakage will need to be returned to the store."

"FINE, when will they be mailed out?"

"They will go out tomorrow via UPS."

"And when can I expect to get them?"

Anyone familiar with shipping UPS is aware that it can take 7 to 10 business days for your package to be delivered.

"You should have them in a day or two."

"Honestly Doc, I floss at least 3 times a day!"

Post Script: To my lawyer friends....this is not the story of a lawyer....this is the story of a jackass who happens to practice law. I hope you have not been offended.