Are you sure?

I work in retail sales in a high end department store. The other day I had a customer ask if we carried draperies.  "No, I'm sorry, we don't." "You don't? Really?" "No, we don't. But you can try ABC Department store." "But YOU don't carry them?" "No, I am really sorry but we don't." "You sure?" "No, I'm not sure, I've been working here for only 5 years and not completely familiar with what we carry. But if you can wait a minute I will page a manager, maybe they would know." "Ok, thanks!" 

The area I work in is directly off the escalator. At the top of the escalator there is a pillar with an arrow pointing to the restrooms. As customers arrive at the top, they look at the sign and then take several steps in that direction. They stop, look at me with confusion and ask, "Where's the bathroom?" "Keep going that way and take the first left." You would think that would be the end of it.  But no....they take a step or two more and look at me again. Pointing they say "That way? Through the doors?" Which I find amusing as I am sure I would have said "That way, through the doors." Or they question "Really, you're sure?" "Nope, just joking!"

I was grocery shopping the other day and I thought I would look for Basket Cheese for my dad.  Basket Cheese is seasonal and only available in the spring around Easter time. I went up to the cheese counter and asked if they had basket cheese. The person behind the counter replied "No, I'm sorry, we don't." "Are you sure?" "Nope, not sure but if you can wait a minute...."

I guess skepticism is part of human nature! 

Too Much Information

I tend to be a bit of a hypochondriac. A sudden pain anywhere and I begin to plan my funeral. The other day I experienced a very severe pain in my head. Not a headache, but an intensely sharp, nearly blinding pain. I knew, as sure as I was standing there, that I had a ruptured aneurism! I stared at myself in the mirror waiting to see blood seep from my eyes, ears and nose. Then just as quickly the pain stopped. And it has been 2 days and I am still here. False alarm.


Given that fact, it amazes me that I am not overly concerned with germs.  I don't use the wipes provided by the grocery stores to clean off the shopping cart handles.  I don't use disinfectant sprays on the telephone after it has been used by someone else. Hell, I don't even reach for the alcohol based, antibacterial, no water needed hand sanitizer after shaking someones hand! I know what you're thinking...."She's a gal that likes to live on the edge!"


However, I don't want to discuss germs, especially somebody else's. 


A simple "How are you?" no longer receives "Fine thanks, and you?" as a response. I asked this of a customer the other day, a person that I don't know, and was told that this was the first day in three weeks that she has not thrown up. REALLY? Did I want to know this? Did I need to know this? As I stood there dumbfounded she continued...."It started with me, I brought home a germ and haven't been able to keep anything down since. I gave it to my husband who is still unable to go ten minutes without vomiting! He in turn gave it to our children. Not only have they been tossing their cookies but they have diarrhea too! And the twins are still in diapers...what a mess!" 


Keep in mind that this woman is standing a mere foot or so from me, breathing on me. I could feel the germs entering my body with every word she spoke. I couldn't think of anything but the possible incubation period of this dreaded disease, and will my doctor order me anti-emetics over the phone.


We concluded our business and I sent her on her way. 


It has been a week since then and how am I? Haven't up-chucked yet but I am sure I have kidney stones!

Perfume and Elevators

In my late teens early 20's I wore perfume, but even at that young age I was aware that a little goes a long way. And body chemistry plays a role in the offensiveness of the aroma. My grandmother explained that perfume should only be applied to the pulse points, i.e. the neck, wrist, inner elbow and behind the knee. Only the smallest of dabs was enough, and smelling your own perfume after fifteen minutes meant it was the wrong scent for you. I always heeded her words and I'm sorry not all women had been given this essential piece of advice.


The other day, at work, I was in the elevator when the scent of one of my co-workers arrived before the doors opened to allow her entry.  Within seconds my eyes started to burn and my nose started to run. I began to cough and sputter. I grabbed a tissue out of my bag and brought it to my face, hoping it would act as a gas mask. It didn't seem to help, the damage had been done, I thought I was going to keel over!


"Are you okay?" she asked. Gasping for my next breath, I replied "It must be something in the air". 


Was this well dressed, seemingly sophisticated woman totally unaware of the obtrusiveness of her perfume? And more to the point, just what was she trying to cover up? Had she been at a "sleep over" and run out of time to shower and figured diving into a vat of  horribly scented au d'toilet would mask her indiscretion? I didn't think I could escape fast enough! 


Ding....2nd floor. The doors opened an another passenger stepped in. As the doors closed I noticed she was reaching into her bag to pull out a tissue.


Ding....3rd floor. My stop, I stumbled out of the elevator, drawing in the fresh air as if my life depended on it, and I believe it did!


"Mind if I walk with you?" asked Ms. Well Dressed.  It's gonna be one of those days!